Those who know do not speak
Extra vs. Intro (i.e. Yin vs. Yang, Jobs vs. Woz, Gekko vs. Buffett)
Hi all,
I hope you’re having a good weekend! Going forward, I’ll be sending out a new Thoughts from a Bench note on Sundays, which is (in my estimation) the perfect day for reading and reflecting.
If you missed some of my recent notes because of the holidays / New Year festivities, check them out below:
Thank you,
Brendan
I had to read Quiet by Susan Cain to realize that many of my frustrations with the working world are sourced from the fact that I’m an introvert working in environments that skew extraverted.
I find talking myself up and promoting my work a bit challenging. I’d much rather spend that time on the work itself. Unfortunately, that’s not always how sales and reputations work.
Open office spaces make it difficult to focus. As a consultant, I often work with my team in a small conference room. This is excellent for true collaborative efforts but not for the real critical thinking that demands solitude.
Elite business schools tend to prefer the stereotypically well-connected, assertive, and charismatic strivers who devote more of their free time to speaking and volunteering, not thinking and creating.
Is there any room for introverts at the table? Yes! Quiet pointed out the many ways introverts can address these headwinds and even twist them into advantages. And how ironic I find these answers in a book…
I learned that introverts excel at preparing for difficult tasks, practicing difficult skills, and focusing for long periods of time. They are more comfortable breaking from the crowd (like the free-thinking Warren Buffett, tucked away in his office). And they often prefer deeper one-on-one conversations vs. group babbling. There are many ways these advantages can shine at work.
Introverts can lean-into responsibilities that reward creativity, problem-solving and specialized skills. Studies show people generate larger numbers of better ideas alone (vs. brainstorming) and practice difficult skills better by themselves (e.g. Deliberate Practice). College students who study alone do better than those who study in groups. (This applies all too well to linear algebra, a lesson I learned the hard way freshman year.) Introverts can naturally excel in roles that demand at least some of the solitude that may drive extraverts a bit crazy.
In meetings, extraverts are skilled at dominating the agenda and filling the air with large quantities of verbiage. But introverts can shine by heading into the meeting highly prepared on the topic, ready to contribute the same amount in 10% of the words spoken. They can ask one or two nuanced questions to poke holes in half-baked ideas. They can share one or two excellent ideas from their research. This all assumes an ability to overcome any social anxiety or shyness that often accompanies introversion, but there are strategies I cover below on how to overcome this.
It's true that leaders of governments and businesses tend to be extraverts. It’s true they are excellent connectors, networkers, hype-uppers, sellers. But introverts are better social leaders in environments in which their subordinates are more creative and ambitious self-starters. And introverts, as Cain puts out, naturally excel in thought leadership:
“Outstanding introverted leaders, such as Charles Darwin, Marie Curie, Patrick White and Arthur Boyd, who created either new fields of thought or rearranged existing knowledge, have spent long periods of their lives in solitude. Hence leadership does not only apply in social situations, but also occurs in more solitary situations such as developing new techniques in the arts, creating new philosophies, writing profound books and making scientific breakthroughs.”
The most important lesson I learned from Quiet, though, is that sometimes you do need to pretend to be an extravert. You do need to show up to the networking event, deliver an engaging presentation or make small talk with co-workers if that’s what required to be a professional. (Per Seth Godin, professional means doing a job even when you don’t feel like it.) Psychologists believe elements of extraversion can be practiced and learned, because we are, as Cain herself puts it, like rubber bands at rest. We are able to stretch—even multiply—our personalities a bit.
Perhaps the best case study of an introvert who rubber-banded into extraversion is Bryan Little, a former Harvard psychology professor who won teaching award after teaching award as a secret introvert. In the classroom, he was remembered for his charisma, energy and engagement—leading to classes that frequently ended in standing ovations. Reflecting on his successful ability to “practice” extraversion, he even developed a theory to explain how it could be done: Free Trait Theory. This theory suggests there are certain aspects of our personality we can “fake”, provided we’re doing so in service of a project that is meaningful to us, such as teaching. In the case of an introvert “faking” extraversion, Little also emphasized the criticality of creating “restorative niches”, pockets of quiet time throughout the day to re-energize.
I no longer resent “faking” extraversion at times because I know it’s in service of a greater goal: serving my team and customers. And I don’t mind doing this knowing I still make space (“restorative niches”) for the time I need to think, focus, and think again.
Thanks for reading! I love when these thoughts lead to conversations with readers. Did you find anything interesting or surprising? Reply to me and let me know.